Saturday, June 4, 2011

Day 155 - Things NOT to say...

Goodness gracious, it is HOT in Central Arkansas...and it's only June. We spent our day finishing up a few little projects and hanging out.

By the time supper rolled around, it was almost bearable to be outside so we had a picnic.

Sweet babies...
2011-06-04_18-51-35_561

I found this blog post yesterday and found it quite interesting, honest and informative. The author lists 10 things you should not say to an adoptive parent. I have read lists like this many times before and it usually leaves me feeling like I cannot approach another adoptive parent in public without offending them.

I have heard most of the comments she discusses on her list (and a whole lot more) :o) I usually am not offended because I don't feel people are saying the "hurtful" comments to be mean or disrespectful, but rather "they" see our conspicuous family and want to say something. I believe most of them time "they" say the first thing that pops in their head. I believe that most of the comments I hear would probably not have been said outloud if the person had given any thought to what they were about to say. Does that make sense? I am sure the "insensitive" comments will start bothering me more now that my kids are getting older and ALWAYS have their listening ears on when adults are talking :o)

The one comment that really gets me is "She's so lucky." The author perfectly sums up how I feel about the subject. I totally get where people are coming from when "they" say that and I know their intentions are (usually) pure. I know (in my head) "they" want to say something positive and encouraging, but it just makes me cringe. I love how the author sums it up...

"Her beginnings factor in to her identity and we intend for her to feel proud of where she has come from, so that she can have a strong self concept and strong self-esteem. Furthermore, adoption is rooted in loss. For our daughter, it’s the loss of family, as well as country, language, and culture. To say someone who has lost so much is lucky is just plain wrong. She does not feel lucky in light of her losses."

Now, if you want to say "boy, YOU are lucky." I will completely agree! I am one lucky mama!

Speaking of potentially "offensive" comments...

I took Baby Boy and Little Pumpkin to the store this afternoon. Little Pumpkin likes to talk...a lot...pretty much constantly...and loudly. Haha! Throughout the store, she repeatly (like for the entire trip) said, "Oh *Baby Boy, I love you. You are brown. Dark brown, like a brownie. You look just like a yummy brownie and I want to eat you up. Are you a brownie? Are you? Are you my yummy little brownie?"

3 comments:

Mom of 5 said...

Oh my goodness, I love what your girl was saying to baby boy...that is hilarious!

Mom of 5 said...

Yay, I was able to post! This is the first comment I have been able to leave in over a week!

Jason and Erin said...

I may have told you this before, but I've changed the words to Jesus Loves the Little Children. Now, I am NOT one of those people who get offended at every little thing. At All. I love to be asked about our family's differences. We are unique! HOWEVER, my child is NOT YELLOW. NOT. YELLOW. And I am not white or red, and my niece is not black. PERIOD. So here are the new words:
Jesus loves the little children,
All the children of the world,
If their skin is dark or light,
They are precious in His sight.
Jesus loves the little children of the world.